Just Like the Movies

Today one of my friends said something to me, and it really struck me. I always say "My life is like a romantic comedy, but without the happy ending, so at least it's funny."

Well, he said: "No, you're life is like a romantic comedy, but you're not the leading lady."

I laughed, but couldn't help thinking it was true.

The Faux B came and went. It was wonderful....and horrible.....and confusing....

I guess I thought that if we actually met everything would become clear, but it's not, or maybe I just can't see it.

I had all these preconceived notions.

I thought I'd finally see all the crappy things about him in person, but I couldn't.

I thought it'd be easy to be his "bro," but it wasn't.

I thought he'd realize how great I am, but he didn't.

I thought I'd be relieved for it all to be over with, but I'm not.

He's seeing someone else, because I'm not the leading lady.

I'm the funny sidekick, and that's okay. We had a good time. I laughed more than I thought I would. I feel so comfortable and uncomfortable with him at the same time. It's odd. Everything about this situation is unusual for me.

What do you do with a guy you don't want to date but you don't want to get rid of?

Ma had another surgery. They found the source of her cancer. They removed it, and we think they got it all, but we're not done yet. I called her in the hospital and she wanted me to tell her all about FB's visit. She couldn't really respond because of the tubes in her throat, but I think she was glad to be talking about something non-medical, and my dating life is always good for a laugh, no matter how feeble.

I keep telling myself that it will be fine. Because it has to be. It has to be.

I went to a Pure Romance party tonight at a girlfriend's house. Great. Just what I needed. An entire party centered around sex to remind me that I'm not having any. And then I walked home in the rain. It might have been the most pathetic thing ever.

Doesn't every romantic comedy have a sad montage before the happy ending?

Maybe this is just my sad montage.

Grown-up

My Ma said something really cool to me, the day before I left to go back to Ohio over break. Something she's never said to me before, especially when it relates to guys and dating....She said, "I won't tell you what to do, it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. I trust your judgment."

And you know what? She was right.

In fact, just the other day, I TALKED with a guy about how I was feeling instead of just dropping him like a dumpster baby. For the FIRST time in my life!

Oh, sure, I didn't WANT to talk, and sure, I avoided it like the plague....but, I did it!

And you know what? It wasn't that bad....In fact, I felt BETTER afterwards! Who knew?!

This is a big step for me, people, the apocalypse might be approaching....

I've been talking to some of my guy friends lately and thinking about how wonderful they are, and what great guys they are, and then I think about my flings and boyfriends, and there is a definite dichotomy there.

I've NEVER tried anything with some of my guy friends, because frankly, I'm not willing to live without them. I know I can call them at any time and they will be there for me in whatever way they can. They've proven it to me time and time again. Those other guys? Meh.

I think I may have found an equal in my Faux B. Someone who can see through my bullshit. Someone who won't put up with it. And I respect him, which is cool, and new, but maybe is better suited among the ranks of my friends. Which is also so much easier for me, because being a great girl-friend (as in female friend) is something I know how to do....an actual "girlfriend"? Not so much.

I just want to meet this guy. Make sure he's real. It doesn't really matter to me what happens after that, because this time I trust my own judgment.

Now, all I have to do is enjoy myself when he's here. I think I can handle that.

It's like I'm a grown-up now.