When It Rains, It Pours

It's been raining non-stop here in Cinci. Terrible thunderstorms that wake even a heavy sleeper such as myself and make the walk to school precarious. I'm always looking to the sky trying to anticipate the next monsoon.

And so it is with my dating life. No light sprinkle, or full days of sunshine; but clouds and sudden downpours.

I have less than a month left in Ohio, and it seems everyone and their dog wants some of my time.

Last week was show week, so I had to politely defer two guys who were messaging and texting me with a "Sure thing....Next week."

What I really meant: I don't have time for this.

I have WORK to do. I love it. Against all odds I got the Graduate Assistant position for next year and a Mainstage design so I am quite busy with my modicum of success.

Law School wants to non-hypothetically come to visit me while I'm in Utah. We even discussed dates, and he was looking at plane tickets....

Remember that I'd given up dating? Why is everyone making it so difficult for me to stick to that?!

Even at STRIKE for the show, one of our lab students ended up giving me his phone number! I don't know how that happened. Maybe it was that "It's the end of show-week, I'm so tired and I haven't showered in a couple days glow" I had going on.

First off, he's an undergrad. Second, I don't think he could be at all discreet, and everyone already knows far too much about my love life. (I was talking to a first year make-up student who I'd never really spoken to before a couple weeks ago and she said "Oh, you're the girl who had that fiasco with the fake boyfriend!" I about crawled into a hole and died. That is NOT how I want to be known) So, it's not going to happen. Sorry, dude.

However, he did say something that kinda hit me like a punch to the gut: "I think you NEED to go out and have some fun, because you might be turning lame."

Me, lame?

I've been called a lot of things, but never lame.

It's true I've been working long hours and have maybe been to two parties all year, but I attempt to schedule regular "fun" times like Tuesday coffee and Friday Happy Hour....

Oh god, I am lame...

I put quotation marks around the word fun.

Although maybe I should take into account that this guy was trying to talk me into going out with him (albeit not very successfully)....I just think I'm past that whole college partying scene....Now we grads get together and get drunk at a bar, or have a a margarita night at a friend's house, sans vomit and super drunk underage girls making bad decisions. That's not lame, that's just smart. Can't argue with logic.

I've also been trying to be a bit more private. Try not sharing every thought and interaction with the world at large....So far, I think I might kinda like it. Before I started blogging I was excruciatingly private, and I used the blog as a vehicle to be more open with my true feelings...but as time passes and things blow up in my face from nothing more than a simple paragraph, I'm feeling less secure sharing the real parts of myself here for everyone to read. I said when I started this that I was going to say whatever I want, whenever I want, no matter what. If I don't have the desire to do that, what's the point?

I am already packing for Utah, and although all the recent attention is flattering, it just seems like a lot of unnecessary work to start something right now.

My friend Nick said I should just do a casual sex thing.

I scoffed and said I couldn't do something like that.

"Why not?" he retorted, "You need to get laid and anytime someone starts talking about being remotely serious you completely freak out."

"I do not!"

Nick just stared at me skeptically from over his glasses.

He sure does know how to keep things classy.

No, I think I'll just stick to my anti-dating stance. Despite how much everyone seems to enjoy my antics, I'd rather have the last laugh this time around.

So, when it rains, it pours, but that's why I always carry an umbrella.

What's Really Important?

it's tarik i m italian teacher and i would like to have serious relationship with you of course if you don't mind i m romantic man i write sometimes poetry and i hope to be the best on what you are looking for too hope to hear from you news

That is an actual message I got from a guy on Match.com....Now, apparently I attract men who can't even speak English....which would be fine if I were in a foreign country....It's all just so comical.

Okay, let's talk about what a BADASS my Ma is. She started chemo yesterday, and this dumb biz nurse started trying to tell her that her doctors didn't know what they were doing and that she needed to do this and that, and that she didn't have a say because her cancer is so rare and therefore she's special (while patting her condescendingly). Also, everyone had been basically treating her like a rare test specimen, so she brought in her "cancer team" and gave this little gem of a speech:

I am one of 8 sibling, I have 7 brothers and sisters, 6 of them still living. And we are extremely close. You will probably meet a lot of them.

I have a daughter going to grad school in Cincinnati, and she's the best daughter you could ask for, and I need to be able to go see her shows.

I have friends who are like my family and would do anything for me.

I've got a husband who loves me and wants to take me to Hawaii.

I may have a special type of cancer, but I am special to a lot of people.

I know every time you've seen me I've been crying and I've been scared, and I'm still scared, but now I'm pissed.

I will do whatever it takes to get better, but you have to give me that chance.

I'm not used to being out of control like this. I should have a say in my treatment.

I am more than just a rare appendix cancer.

I am Patsy Smith.

I am a PERSON.

And you will start treating me like one.

I teared up as she was telling me this. My Ma is so brave.

I don't know that I'l EVER do something that valiant. That speech could seriously be straight from an epic battle cry.

So, my Ma told off a room full of medical professionals and made them listen to her yesterday. What did I do today?

What did YOU do today?

A couple of us grads got together for coffee and they were complaining about all the BS we have to deal with, and all I could think was "Ya know, we don't have it that bad. Life could be a lot worse."

In comparison boys, school, and even theater seem like silly things to get all worked up over. So I won't. Not anymore.

I'm so damn proud of my Ma I can't get over it.

Short little thing that barely weighs over 100lbs, sick from chemo, and still the toughest broad I know.

Someday maybe I'll be that cool.

Worst Date/Best Life

Had a date with the Science Teacher....oh...dear....lord.

So he TEACHES middle school, but when he showed up I thought he WAS a middle schooler. On-line he said he was 5'7". I usually like tall guys, but I wouldn't pass up a great guy who was small in stature....Well, he lied. He was MAYBE 5'5" at best. He came up to my NOSE (I'm ACTUALLY 5'7"). And he was dressed in oversize jeans, a graphic tee, and a hoodie. I'm sure it looked like I was doing a Big Brothers/Big Sisters program and I was his mentor....or maybe after I finished my quesadilla I'd have him for a snack. I looked like Andre the Giant next to this dude. It was ridiculous.

Which I could've gotten past, had he been really cool, but he was hopelessly awkward. I constantly had to ask him questions like it was an interview, and it was just miserable.

He seemed to like me. He said I had a great personality and was very attractive--which is flattering, I guess--and he's been texting me...He was a nice guy, so I'll try to be a better version of myself and let him down easy....

I'm done. No more dating. Definitely no more Match.com. It's all just too much.

Six weeks from now I'll be heading to Utah for a summer doing what I love in the mountains. Until then I'll be doing what I love here. I don't need to go on any more dates. No time to be wasted on that. I have lots of work to do this quarter that really excites me, and theater has always been my favorite abusive boyfriend. Right now we're "on-again" in our tumultuous on-again/off-again romance, and I couldn't be happier. I'm pushing myself and doing work I'm truly proud of.

I just wish I could talk to someone who would get as excited about it as I do.

Oh well, you win some you lose some right?

Lately I've been winning.

Ever since I decided that I was through trying to make this fiasco they call dating work for me my life has been nothing but sunshine....literally. It is spring in Cincinnati and the trees are in bloom and the air is fresh. I've been spending lots of time with my friends hanging out in coffee shops, eating great food, seeing really awesome local music, walking around my beautiful neighborhood, painting, reading, having great discussions....This weekend my good friend is coming to visit me from Kansas and I'm so excited to show her around my city. It really does feel like MY city now.

I've been appointed the make-up shop representative for our unofficial grad student social committee (aka, I help plan parties into our busy schedules) and it is a position I hold with pride. Traditions like Friday Happy Hour that I helped start have really brought us together like an overworked, rag-tag community. We drink, eat fried food, and vent all our frustrations. I look forward to it all week.

I'm FINALLY going to go to the theater a few blocks from my house this weekend, and I'm going to stay up all night talking with my friend of seven years, AND I'm going to get a well-deserved pedicure for my tired, blistered feet (those vintage shoes were cute, but they bit me). And maybe some new shoes, too (ones that don't want to hurt me).

Does it get any better than this?