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I'm in love....with a coat.
I found it today, but it feels like I've finally found what I've been searching for all my life: A vintage Burberry coat. And it only cost $7.50 with my student discount (heaven forbid I pay the full price of $9.99!). Oh sweet Jesus, I've found the one! I'm so happy. I seriously almost peed myself when I found it. My heart skipped a beat, and I was shaking.
I guess if I can't find love in men, I can always find it in fashion.
And makeup.
I LOVE it here. I just got home from a Halloween party at my professor's house that was so fun, we watched "Hocus Pocus" and "Edward Scissorhands" in the shop on Friday, and I got to do monster and gore makeup for a haunted house and then go through the haunted house for free! Tomorrow I'm going to a charity benefit cabaret.
My life, for the first time, is EXACTLY how I always wanted it to be. I'm living for wigs and makeup; there's all the art and culture I could ask for (art museum last weekend, plays during the week, etc.), I can walk everywhere, I live in an old house in a trendy neighborhood, and I'm reading good books all the time. I'm exactly who I want to be. I make my bed everyday, I drink coffee, I do dishes (RIGHT after I eat), I keep my room clean, I don't procrastinate as much, I eat healthy.....EVERYTHING is just....right.
I'm just missing that ONE thing.
But you know what? I DON'T CARE.
I am so in love with my life right now, I feel like I almost have to settle into it, get past the honeymoon stage, before I can let someone else into it.
Because I have everything I need, what more can you want?
I hope everyone gets to be their purest, truest self that they always dreamed they could be once in their life, to feel this feeling. It's great, this love affair with life.
P.S. Tour Guide has gone back to being completely uninterested in me. Whatevs.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
No change of heart, a change in me
I went over to Tour Guide's house to pick him up for what was sure to be another awkward night out. I showed up early in the hopes of talking to his roommate, Perfect Boy. TG opened the door, and he actually looked really nice, not as homeless as usual, things were looking up.
Jengo, the great big dog, greated me enthusiastically. I seriously love that dog. Then emerged Perfect Boy with a load of laundry looking positively dapper.
We got to talking.
"Do you want to go out with us tonight?" Me
"No, I'm going to Fries tonight" Perfect Boy
"Why are you going there?" TG
"I'm meeting that girl." PB
OUCH.
"Oh, the one you went out with earlier?" TG
Double OUCH.
"Yeah, we went to a matinee of the latest show at the Playhouse, and she asked what I was doing tonight, so I guess the date went well." PB
Man, that STINGS.
I smile, "Oh yeah, that's definitely a good sign."
There I am, falling so easily into my normal role as bro. I guess that's where I belong.
But something strange happened that night. Good strange. Tour Guide and I actually had a good time. I mean, we usually have a good time, otherwise I wouldn't keep hanging out with him, but he seemed to be having a good time with me specifically, not just in general.
Last week we went and had "coffee" which were actually "beers," (but we had them at a coffee shop) and we ended up at his friend's house eating cheese, drinking wine, and watching Animaniacs and Laurel and Hardy. It was awesome.
It's safe to say I'm beginning to enjoy our faux dates. It's really easy because there's no stress of trying to impress him, because we don't like each other, and I don't have to play those stupid games that you have to play when in the throes of courtship. (Which is good because I've always been bad and sports and those dating games are no exception.)
TG, for his part, is actually starting to seem interested in the things I say and do, which is nice. He was even showing his friends the sculptures I'd been working on when we were out. It was like he was bragging on me. And he let me borrow one of his favorite books to read. It was sweet.
As they say in Casablanca, "This could be the start of a beautiful friendship."
At first I thought the last thing I needed was another guy friend, but then I realized I don't have any here yet. So why not?
The only problem is that everywhere we go people think I'm his girlfriend. Which is a major double cock-block for both of us.
Last night when we were returning from the bar I went inside to use the bathroom when I dropped him off at his house.
To my surprise, there were quite a few people there.
Including PB's date.
SUCK.
His tall, cute, skinny date.
Double SUCK.
But also some cute guys.
Who asked if I was TG's girlfriend.
I laughed and said "No," but TG didn't say ANYTHING. He totally left me hanging, and then the guys were weired out, like they had hit a touchy subject or something. Ugh. Just when I had been so proud of him for being less awkward he has to go and do something like that.
TG had been kinda bummed out (his friend was leaving for several months, his bike broke, he's overloaded with homework, and his other friend's mom died. When it rains it pours.) so I offered to bring him some cupcakes that my roommates and I had made.
One of the cute guys overheard, "Cupcakes?! You bake?"
"Yeah, a little." I lied. (anyone who knows me knows I don't even know how to use an oven)
"Wow, you're the best...(awkward pause) friend ever!" He had overemphasized friend so it was more like: "friend" wink, wink; nudge, nudge.
I was mortified.
The only thing worse than a cute guy thinking you have a boyfriend you don't have is him thinking you are friends with benefits with someone you're not.
It seemed futile to argue the point, so I just said "Yep, I sure am."
Because I've never been good girlfriend, but I am a great friend.
I guess TG is lucky then.
And maybe, just maybe, if I'm haning out enough at their house Perfect Boy will realize his mistake and confess his undying like (love seems a bit overkill) for me.
A girl can dream, right?
Jengo, the great big dog, greated me enthusiastically. I seriously love that dog. Then emerged Perfect Boy with a load of laundry looking positively dapper.
We got to talking.
"Do you want to go out with us tonight?" Me
"No, I'm going to Fries tonight" Perfect Boy
"Why are you going there?" TG
"I'm meeting that girl." PB
OUCH.
"Oh, the one you went out with earlier?" TG
Double OUCH.
"Yeah, we went to a matinee of the latest show at the Playhouse, and she asked what I was doing tonight, so I guess the date went well." PB
Man, that STINGS.
I smile, "Oh yeah, that's definitely a good sign."
There I am, falling so easily into my normal role as bro. I guess that's where I belong.
But something strange happened that night. Good strange. Tour Guide and I actually had a good time. I mean, we usually have a good time, otherwise I wouldn't keep hanging out with him, but he seemed to be having a good time with me specifically, not just in general.
Last week we went and had "coffee" which were actually "beers," (but we had them at a coffee shop) and we ended up at his friend's house eating cheese, drinking wine, and watching Animaniacs and Laurel and Hardy. It was awesome.
It's safe to say I'm beginning to enjoy our faux dates. It's really easy because there's no stress of trying to impress him, because we don't like each other, and I don't have to play those stupid games that you have to play when in the throes of courtship. (Which is good because I've always been bad and sports and those dating games are no exception.)
TG, for his part, is actually starting to seem interested in the things I say and do, which is nice. He was even showing his friends the sculptures I'd been working on when we were out. It was like he was bragging on me. And he let me borrow one of his favorite books to read. It was sweet.
As they say in Casablanca, "This could be the start of a beautiful friendship."
At first I thought the last thing I needed was another guy friend, but then I realized I don't have any here yet. So why not?
The only problem is that everywhere we go people think I'm his girlfriend. Which is a major double cock-block for both of us.
Last night when we were returning from the bar I went inside to use the bathroom when I dropped him off at his house.
To my surprise, there were quite a few people there.
Including PB's date.
SUCK.
His tall, cute, skinny date.
Double SUCK.
But also some cute guys.
Who asked if I was TG's girlfriend.
I laughed and said "No," but TG didn't say ANYTHING. He totally left me hanging, and then the guys were weired out, like they had hit a touchy subject or something. Ugh. Just when I had been so proud of him for being less awkward he has to go and do something like that.
TG had been kinda bummed out (his friend was leaving for several months, his bike broke, he's overloaded with homework, and his other friend's mom died. When it rains it pours.) so I offered to bring him some cupcakes that my roommates and I had made.
One of the cute guys overheard, "Cupcakes?! You bake?"
"Yeah, a little." I lied. (anyone who knows me knows I don't even know how to use an oven)
"Wow, you're the best...(awkward pause) friend ever!" He had overemphasized friend so it was more like: "friend" wink, wink; nudge, nudge.
I was mortified.
The only thing worse than a cute guy thinking you have a boyfriend you don't have is him thinking you are friends with benefits with someone you're not.
It seemed futile to argue the point, so I just said "Yep, I sure am."
Because I've never been good girlfriend, but I am a great friend.
I guess TG is lucky then.
And maybe, just maybe, if I'm haning out enough at their house Perfect Boy will realize his mistake and confess his undying like (love seems a bit overkill) for me.
A girl can dream, right?
Monday, October 4, 2010
The Perfect Boy (Man)
I met a boy this weekend.
Not just anyboy, the PERFECT boy, which of course, means it won't work out.
Well, I guess at this point in my life I should start referring to them as "men." When did that happen? All of a sudden I'm a grown-up and I realize that several of my friends are married with children and I still feel entirely too young for all that stuff. I can't figure out if there's something wrong with me or with the world, or maybe I'm not "wrong," just different, lord knows I'm different, but I digress....as usual.
My Tour Guide and I went out to the bar Saturday night to meet up with his roommate. Well, I drove over to his house, and we walked to the bar.
I wasn't expecting much from a roommate of Tour Guide....maybe another awkward Bromance, but then as I sat down next to him he said:
"Nice hairpiece." I waited to notice the sarcasm in his tone or for him to make a joke about it, but it didn't happen.
"Thank you." I replied, still stunned.
"I mean, it's flamboyant, but not too much so, ya know."
I didn't know how to take this. Is he gay? Of course he's gay, I thought, he dresses halfway decent and he doesn't think my headpiece is stupid.
"That's very observant of you."
"Well, that's what I do."
"Oh really? What do you do?"
"I'm an artist. A professional scenic painter for the Cincinnati Playhouse, which means I..."
"Oh yes, I know, I'm a designer at CCM!"
And that was it. We talked about art and theater all night.
And he's not gay!
He's tall and has a great beard, and did I mention he dresses well? Swoon.
Oh, and he's not Tour Guide's roommate, he's his LANDLORD. He owns the place. Granted, he also lives there, but it's a bit better.
He got his degree is sculpture, and and he's funny, and when we walked back to my car/their place he didn't offer me his coat (minus one chivalry point), but he did invite me to hang out.
He has a great big, super-friendly, furry dog named Jengo, and I want to hang out with that dog and walk him sooo bad. I know that sounds strange, but it just seems like the perfect situation, what with him getting cheap tickets to the most avant garde local theater (the one he works at) and all. Even if it doesn't pan out, it's a good connection....right?
Tour Guide got tired and said he was going to bed.
"Oh, I'll leave."
"No, you can stay and hang out, you don't have to rush off."
So I stayed, for a bit. And then I felt awkward, and then I felt tired, so I decided to leave. He seemed a bit sad to see me go, but he didn't ask for my number.
I said, "We should keep in touch."
"Okay."
"No really, we should."
More enthusiatically, "Oh, yeah, yeah..."
"Because..." and what I meant to say here was 'I want to see a show you've worked on' or something cool like that, but what I said was, "I don't have any friends here yet."
Which makes me sound super lame and pathetic. But not as lame and pathetic as me giving him a solid handshake at the end of the night instead of a hug.
Ugh. How am I still single?
Not just anyboy, the PERFECT boy, which of course, means it won't work out.
Well, I guess at this point in my life I should start referring to them as "men." When did that happen? All of a sudden I'm a grown-up and I realize that several of my friends are married with children and I still feel entirely too young for all that stuff. I can't figure out if there's something wrong with me or with the world, or maybe I'm not "wrong," just different, lord knows I'm different, but I digress....as usual.
My Tour Guide and I went out to the bar Saturday night to meet up with his roommate. Well, I drove over to his house, and we walked to the bar.
I wasn't expecting much from a roommate of Tour Guide....maybe another awkward Bromance, but then as I sat down next to him he said:
"Nice hairpiece." I waited to notice the sarcasm in his tone or for him to make a joke about it, but it didn't happen.
"Thank you." I replied, still stunned.
"I mean, it's flamboyant, but not too much so, ya know."
I didn't know how to take this. Is he gay? Of course he's gay, I thought, he dresses halfway decent and he doesn't think my headpiece is stupid.
"That's very observant of you."
"Well, that's what I do."
"Oh really? What do you do?"
"I'm an artist. A professional scenic painter for the Cincinnati Playhouse, which means I..."
"Oh yes, I know, I'm a designer at CCM!"
And that was it. We talked about art and theater all night.
And he's not gay!
He's tall and has a great beard, and did I mention he dresses well? Swoon.
Oh, and he's not Tour Guide's roommate, he's his LANDLORD. He owns the place. Granted, he also lives there, but it's a bit better.
He got his degree is sculpture, and and he's funny, and when we walked back to my car/their place he didn't offer me his coat (minus one chivalry point), but he did invite me to hang out.
He has a great big, super-friendly, furry dog named Jengo, and I want to hang out with that dog and walk him sooo bad. I know that sounds strange, but it just seems like the perfect situation, what with him getting cheap tickets to the most avant garde local theater (the one he works at) and all. Even if it doesn't pan out, it's a good connection....right?
Tour Guide got tired and said he was going to bed.
"Oh, I'll leave."
"No, you can stay and hang out, you don't have to rush off."
So I stayed, for a bit. And then I felt awkward, and then I felt tired, so I decided to leave. He seemed a bit sad to see me go, but he didn't ask for my number.
I said, "We should keep in touch."
"Okay."
"No really, we should."
More enthusiatically, "Oh, yeah, yeah..."
"Because..." and what I meant to say here was 'I want to see a show you've worked on' or something cool like that, but what I said was, "I don't have any friends here yet."
Which makes me sound super lame and pathetic. But not as lame and pathetic as me giving him a solid handshake at the end of the night instead of a hug.
Ugh. How am I still single?
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