The Perfect Boy (Man)

I met a boy this weekend.

Not just anyboy, the PERFECT boy, which of course, means it won't work out.

Well, I guess at this point in my life I should start referring to them as "men." When did that happen? All of a sudden I'm a grown-up and I realize that several of my friends are married with children and I still feel entirely too young for all that stuff. I can't figure out if there's something wrong with me or with the world, or maybe I'm not "wrong," just different, lord knows I'm different, but I digress....as usual.

My Tour Guide and I went out to the bar Saturday night to meet up with his roommate. Well, I drove over to his house, and we walked to the bar.

I wasn't expecting much from a roommate of Tour Guide....maybe another awkward Bromance, but then as I sat down next to him he said:

"Nice hairpiece." I waited to notice the sarcasm in his tone or for him to make a joke about it, but it didn't happen.

"Thank you." I replied, still stunned.

"I mean, it's flamboyant, but not too much so, ya know."

I didn't know how to take this. Is he gay? Of course he's gay, I thought, he dresses halfway decent and he doesn't think my headpiece is stupid.

"That's very observant of you."
"Well, that's what I do."
"Oh really? What do you do?"
"I'm an artist. A professional scenic painter for the Cincinnati Playhouse, which means I..."
"Oh yes, I know, I'm a designer at CCM!"

And that was it. We talked about art and theater all night.

And he's not gay!

He's tall and has a great beard, and did I mention he dresses well? Swoon.

Oh, and he's not Tour Guide's roommate, he's his LANDLORD. He owns the place. Granted, he also lives there, but it's a bit better.

He got his degree is sculpture, and and he's funny, and when we walked back to my car/their place he didn't offer me his coat (minus one chivalry point), but he did invite me to hang out.

He has a great big, super-friendly, furry dog named Jengo, and I want to hang out with that dog and walk him sooo bad. I know that sounds strange, but it just seems like the perfect situation, what with him getting cheap tickets to the most avant garde local theater (the one he works at) and all. Even if it doesn't pan out, it's a good connection....right?

Tour Guide got tired and said he was going to bed.

"Oh, I'll leave."
"No, you can stay and hang out, you don't have to rush off."

So I stayed, for a bit. And then I felt awkward, and then I felt tired, so I decided to leave. He seemed a bit sad to see me go, but he didn't ask for my number.

I said, "We should keep in touch."
"Okay."
"No really, we should."
More enthusiatically, "Oh, yeah, yeah..."
"Because..." and what I meant to say here was 'I want to see a show you've worked on' or something cool like that, but what I said was, "I don't have any friends here yet."

Which makes me sound super lame and pathetic. But not as lame and pathetic as me giving him a solid handshake at the end of the night instead of a hug.

Ugh. How am I still single?