You like tea + I like tea = soulmates

Some guy seriously wrote that to me on match.com. Another guy told me all about how excited he is over the massive chemsitry research book he got for Christmas. I don't mind nerdy guys, but really? Why does on-line dating suck so bad?

Moving on.

I think I've really connected with someone (no thanks to Match).

You know that feeling when you hear a song and for some reason or another it just hits you and you think "Where have I heard this before?" even though you know you've never heard it in your life?

That's where I am.

If that sounds confusing, it's because it is.

I cried today.

I was reading something that this guy sent me (a type of modern-day letter-writing via the ever romantic facebook message) and I was smiling and then all of a sudden I was crying. I am NOT a crier. I certainly don't usually cry whilst checking my facebook. It was just....the absolute best thing that has ever been written to me. By anyone. Ever.

This person barely knows me. He has never even held my face in his hands. What about the ex who was "so sure" we should get married? What about Shawn? Where were these words in feasible situations? It made me so happy and sad and downright pissed off that someone felt I deserved those words and that this someone has to be so far away. Too far away.

(Note: It wasn't mushy or anything--we all know I wouldn't be into that--but incredibly articulate, and thought-out and....ugh...just too awesome for the likes of me)

Balls.

Speaking of balls, I am looking forward to spending my New Year's Eve in KC with my boys. We are heading to The Uptown Theater for an open bar and a rip-roarin' good time.

Although I think I may have accidentally acquired a date. And not a buddy-date, a real one.

There's this guy I met over the summer who goes to grad school for photography in Texas and is stuck in KS for the holidays like me. We bonded because he used to work in Cincinnati and I, of course, live in Cinci. He was the one who introduced me to my Tour Guide. Anyway, he didn't have anything to do for New Year's Eve so I invited him to come along with us. I didn't think he would, because it involved some considerable driving on his part, but he seems psyched to go. My friend Essay pointed out that I'm so used to being one of the guys that I forget that guys sometimes take you inviting them to things the wrong way.....Meh, he seems like a cool guy, and the minute he see's how I am with Essay and Bo, he'll get the gist of the evening..... Hopefully. Man, did I create a fiasco? (I am the Master and Commander of Fiascoes) Either way I guess it will be an interesting night. (I'm a big girl, I can handle it)

My dear friend Janet (who is like a second mom to me) took me out for a girls day today that included a manicure, shopping, going to see Black Swan (good movie), and a fantastic dinner complete with mojitos, lemon-drop martinis and calamari. It. Was. Awesome. I could not have asked for a better day.

This New Year is really looking up, and I have to smile in spite of myself.

That is, when I'm not crying like a giant baby.

On-line dating

I am one of the more recent members of Match.com

I never thought I'd be one to join an on-line dating site. It's the real deal though, it's also a bit expensive, so you know people are serious.

But really, I like the idea of one day just magically running into someone and that someone turns out to really BE someone. But in the real world, it's not so magical. I run into crushes at the laund-ro-mat when I'm wearing my yoga pants without underwear because none are clean. I run into a cute guy at the grocery store when I've been working on a project for 48 hours and haven't brushed my teeth in just as long.....And the list goes on...Believe you me, I'm a girl who tries to keep up appearances, but does anyone ever see me when I've just come from the salon and had a great blow-out? NO! And it ALWAYS rains when I fix my hair, so much so I might as well become a meteorologist because I can predict a storm better than any radar!

With this experience, I decided that some things shouldn't be left to chance.

So far...meh.

A couple guys asked me for my phone number right off the bat and I politely declined for safety reasons and because I don't keep up with my phone anyway. I love the idea of seduction via the written word. So many people rush into things, but there is nothing wrong with witty banter and building a re pore with someone. There is one guy I'm kind of hitting it off with, but we'll see.

The problem with on-line dating, for me, is that I am extremely photogenic. I am not being conceited, the camera just likes me. In my opinion, I look waaaay better in pictures than real life. This can be a problem, because they see this beautiful profile pic, and the real me is considerably less than expected. This has happened to me before, I believe, although no one has outright said it. No matter how hard I try to show even the not-so-great but not horrifying pics, I always seem to be a bit of a let-down. You can see it on their faces when you open the door.

A friend of a friend recently contacted me via FB and told me I was very pretty. I knew it was my photogenic curse striking again. He wants to meet me, but luckily he lives far away, so I don't have to disappoint him. Especially because he seems, well....wonderful. He's funny and smart, and tall, dark and handsome. And after he chatted with me a bit via FB chat he left me with a "later gator." That's what I always do! It was just...almost like magically meeting someone...but not. I imagine that's what my on-line dating experience is supposed to feel like, but doesn't. It feels more like groping around in the dark for an elusive light switch.

Oh cruel fates! Why must I be so deceivingly pretty in pictures?! It isn't fair.

Is it too much to dream of a guy who says "you're even prettier in person"?

Probably.

"Faithful friends who are dear to us..."

"Will be near to us once more."
--Meet Me in St. Louis

Nothing is better than old friends.

I went back to the town where I attended undergrad this week to catch up with some pals.

Instantly it is like we were never apart. We are back to laughing and joking in no time.

Joel, my most wonderful guy friend, and I are sitting around his apartment making dinner and watching Seinfeld just like old times when I ask if I can invite some people to eat with us.

"Oh, then I'd have to clean!" he replies.
"No you wouldn't the place looks fine."
"I don't want them to see it like this."
"You let ME see it!"
"You're different, you're family."

I said nothing, because I thought I might cry then and there. That is one of the most beautiful things anyone has ever said to me.

My friends Em and Jen commented on how cute we are together.

"Why don't you two just get married?" Jen asked.
"They've never been like that. They are seriously just friends." Em informed her.
"Really?! Never?"
"Nope. Just best friends." I confirm.

I explain we have that whole "been together forever, super-adorable" thing down, but that whole "young love, sexual-attraction" thing just isn't there. If we were 85 it'd be perfect, but, luckily for me (no sarcasm), instead of a boyfriend I get family. The good ones are always my best buddies, but oh well, that means I get to keep them all forever.

As I hug my undergrad friends and professors good-bye I don't feel sad, because I don't have to worry about losing people who are always in my heart.

After that I attend a dinner with my Ma and her friends, aka my second family.

The air is so thick with love it is palpable. There are hugs, cocktails, and chocolate a-plenty with this group. We share our stories, we toast our achievements big and small, and the dining hall rings with our laughter.

Two of the younger girls are talking about being in love, and all of the Mom's are reminiscing about their first loves. One says, "You know, when you find the one, you just know."

I chime in with, "Yeah, that's how I felt when I found theater." Laughter ensues.

But on the way home my Ma and I discuss how true that statement is:

I always call theater my abusive boyfriend because he knocks me down and takes all my energy but I just keep going back, because I love him, and I can't leave him. When it comes down to it I've been with theater longer than anyone.

This holiday season is the time for old friends. And I am blessed with so many who care about me so much I don't know how I managed to deserve it.

Sometimes I wonder why I try so hard to find love when it's right here in front of me.

"Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow.
So have yourself, a merry littl Christmas now."
--Meet Me in St. Louis

Religious Experience

Three months in Cincinnati and nary a straight man in sight.

I guess that's what you get when you go to a conservatory and live in the trendy neighborhood. CCM has me programmed to think "Gay until proven straight" at this point.

Except sometimes I forget.

I recently attended the Theatrical Design and Production (TD&P) Holiday Dinner at a friend's house. The most raucous family feast I have ever been to, complete with flying silverware and correographed dance routines.

The cutest boy in all of TD&P approached me. I had noticed him in the halls before, and he was the Master Electrician on Evita (electrician's are manly, right?).

"Your face looks familiar, are you a new grad?" He asked.
Conversation ensues.

Oh my gosh, I can't believe this guy has noticed me.

And that's when a Mariah Carey song came on.

"Oh my god, I Fucking LOVE this song!" he practically squealed.

GAY!

I asked around just to make sure, and I was right. Such is my life.

And all the straight ones are coupled up.

Went to a housewarming party for one of my favorite make-up shop grads and there was a cute, smart, scientist guy there....with his girlfriend.....who is also a scientist. He studies smallpox and she studies cancer.

Lame.

I went to church today. For the first time in years. My roommates all go there and I was skeptical at first, but it is a really loving, open-minded environment. It was actually really nice.

Also I was hoping to meet some nice people (let's face it, most artists, particularly theater artists, can be a bit on the snarky side).

Specifically nice guys.

Because it seems next to impossible to find a guy with good, old-fashioned manners these days. Believe you me, I never thought I'd be man-hunting in a house of God, but prayer just doesn't seem to be enough these days.

And there he was. He was wearing Italian-style dress shoes, a sweater-vest and tie combo, with a TWEED blazer. AND he had a beard. AND curly hair.

Oh, man! I thought, Why didn't I wear a dress!? At least I wore my cute riding boots, that has to count for something....

And then I thought: Wait a minute. Impeccable dresser? Probably gay.

Just when I thought all hope was lost, the heaven's opened up and smiled upon me as I realized: I'm in an ANGLICAN CHURCH which means, odds are he's STRAIGHT!

Thank you, Jesus.

We didn't talk, but I heard he's shy, so I look forward to attending church again.

And did I mention his last name is "Knight"? He could literally be my "Knight" in shining patent leather dress shoes!

Can I get an "Amen"!?

Everything will have to wait until after the Holidays, because on Saturday I'm shipping out to good ole Kansas for a 3-week visit. I can't wait to see all my friends and family!

And I'll come back to Cinci with me a lot of love and hope for a happy New Year packed in my suitcase.

Sometimes all you need is a little faith.