Weddings

My younger cousin got married this weekend. It was a lovely ceremony but I was left feeling a bit odd. I'm not sure if I believe in love, let alone marriage, but having a younger relative get married is still a bit disconcerting. However, it got me thinking about weddings and all that comes with them. I'm not one of those girls that grew up dreaming about her fairytale wedding. I'm not even sold on the idea of ever getting married, but once I got to thinking about it, I realized that if I ever did somehow get convinced to do it there are some key things I would definitely NOT want at my wedding/reception:

1. I don't think I really want a ceremony at all. Just a big, ridiculous party. Churches and vows just aren't my thing, and if I'm really in love, it won't matter if everyone sees the actual moment or not, in fact, I'd prefer for it to be just us for that part. Maybe it's a bit of my romantic side coming out, or maybe it's because ceremonies are dreadfully boring to sit through....

2. No kids. You see, I want a big, ridiculous ADULT party with, cocktails, dancing, cussing, and laughing. Maybe it's rude, but if you're having a formal event with drinks nothing ruins it more than rugrats running amuck. I know you love your kids, and it's not that I don't love your kids, but get a babysitter for one night so we don't have to worry about chocolate stains on our couture and can actually have fun (remember FUN parents?).

3. A Unity Candle. I think they're super lame. (that also means unity sand, rocks, water, etc.)

4. Bad Music. Why is it that weddings are the only time I have to suffer through songs like "The Macerena" and "The Chicken Dance"? C'mon people, seriously?

5. Corinthians or any other Bible-related rhetoric. I've never considered myself a Christian. I am spiritual, not religious. I'd be open-minded to a reading from religious texts around the world concerning love, but even that's pushing it.

6. Bouquet Toss/Garter Throw. Why don't I just slap a big fat "S" for "Single" on my guests' foreheads? I refuse to subject myself to such misery, I would never do it to people I consider loved ones.

7. Bridesmaids. It's not that I don't have some very special girlfriends who I'd like to honor, but isn't that what the bachelorette party is all about? I'd much rather spend that money on getting all my best friends (which consist of a lot of guys, actually) together in one spot and having a night we'll never forget. Plus, it will save me a lot of unnecessary drama. (upside for guests: no gross matching outfits you'll never wear again, you just get to be your fabulous self!)

While it may seem like I'm a Negative Nancy when it comes to holy matrimony, there are a few wedding things that I am not opposed to:

1. A dress. I don't think the dress has to be white, and I'm definitely not wearing some ridiculous Cinderella-wanna-be style, but I've always been pro expensive gowns, so you know that I will be decked out on that special day.

2. Booze/Food. Nothing brings old friends and new together like breaking bread and sharing drinks. Especially if it's free for them.

3. Toasts. I want TONS of them. I think instead of bridesmaids and such I will just pick the special people from the different stages of my life to give toasts. I LOVE speeches, and most of my friends and fam are hams anyway.

4. Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties. I love any reason to celebrate, and if I'm actually getting hitched I'll need a final (sort of ;) night of debuachery.

5. Dancing (yes this inculdes the first dance, and father-daughter dance, etc). You may not know this about me, but I LOVE to dance. I always have. Somewhere along the way I realized what a terrible dancer I was and got self-concious about it, but if it's my party, I'll dance if I want to!

6. Honeymoons. A widely-accepted reason for a dream vacation? Count me in!

Well now that I've analyzed what I like and dislike about this time-old tradition, I guess all that's left is to believe in love again, which is altogether harder than just planning a big party with cake. But, if somehow in this crazy world someone can do that for me (or I can do it for myself, for all you independent ladies out there), there just may be a tasteful invitation in your mailbox to a rockin' black-tie party for those 18 and up. Keep your eyes peeled (but don't hold your breath).