Old Me

It's a bit disturbing, how easy it is to slip back into how I used to be.

A couple of simple messages and I have a date by the end of the week. Maybe even two. That type of power is strange, like a switch you can just turn on....All of a sudden, I am available, and every guy I've ever talked to seems to know it....and want it.

All my Fake Boyfriend had to say was, "I don't want you to get too attached."

Well, that's easy enough, I'm the queen of not getting attached.

And then something strange happened: I started to feel like a real asshole. Not for my Fake Boyfriend, I know he'll be fine, but for the poor guys that I know are just distractions, back-ups, whatever you want to call them.



Who does that? Who dates someone just because they can? Just because no one told them not to....

Where is this coming from?! Since when do I care about stuff like that?



And then my Match Guy, who I was planning on going on a second date with, got all mad at me for e-mailing another guy on Match. (Turns out the two of them are friends. I swear, that could only happen to me!)



Excuse me?! Dude, we have gone on ONE date and you're trying to tell me what I can and can't do? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, killer.

It's a sign. This is what I get for trying to go back to my old ways.


If he gets that bent out of shape over an e-mail, what would happen if he found out about my faux-lationship? I'm pretty sure that's how girls end up in ditches.

Why is it when you think it's going to be fun, it ends up waaaay too serious?

It freaked me out.

Speaking, of things that freak me out, the problem with really liking someone (Fake B) is all the weird stuff that comes with it. This is unfamiliar territory for me over here, and it's causing me stress, and I don't stress...ever. I don't want to jump ship like I always do, but I think I need to keep myself a priority. I know I have committment issues, but I don't want a boy to be like just another thing on my to-do list. That isn't fair to me or him. It just feels so heavy right now, in a way it never did before. So I'm taking it back to the old school (but not all the way, no "abandonment" this time around). Not investing, just rolling with the punches.


Old Me would be going on lots of dates. Old Me would have head for the hills at the first inkling of a serious conversation. Old Me just isn't Me anymore.

And that's okay, because this new girl is pretty great. (or at least a bit more mature)