The First Kiss

So much is riding on that maiden liplock.

I for one, am of the belief that when you kiss, you just KNOW.

Here's a story or parallels.

I once went on a date with a really cool, attractive musician. Well, more than one date. I had been admiring him ever since he played a rockin' guitar solo for our Community College band. Our first date was to a coffee shop on open mic night. The music was good, the vibe was good. No kiss. Our second date was to see a theater in the park show. The show was so-so, but I love theater and being outside. No kiss. This guy was smart, polite, and talented. He didn't dress so hot. Crew socks with old sporty tennis shoes and jean shorts. Bad, but not irrevocable. Our third date was magic. We went out for pizza, played on the playground in the park, and talked until the streetlamps came on. Then he kissed me. We had made plans to go golfing together (I love golf), he wrote a song about me....All gone. Nope. Not right for me. I was done then and there. I just knew.

To this day I wonder sometimes if I made a mistake.

On that same note, I once went out on a horrible date with a stoner, aspiring actor. He fixed his hair (one of two times he ever fixed his hair), he looked amazing. We'd been flirting for months. We drank champagne, watched a movie, talked on my front porch for hours. Then around 2am we decided to go out to the river. We talked about religion, philosophy, books. When we got in his car however, it won't start. We ask some police officers for help who end up breathalyzing my date. He's not drunk but he's a minor. He gets an MIC and we get escorted home in separate cop cars. We didn't kiss. We hugged goodnight. The next time we hung out we made out for 30 minutes. He set my world on fire. He told me he was crazy. I didn't care. I met a much nicer, more stable guy with a job and less neuroses: I blew him off. He made my whole body tingle. I couldn't resist him. We were so happy. By the end of our 8 month relationship and semester-long break-up I was miserable, depressed, and felt like I could never love anyone. We had a yelling match on Mass St. in Lawrence. We were THAT couple. He decimated me.

But when we kissed, I just knew.

Is my gut leading me astray?

I've always trusted my instincts, and in everything else in my life they have been spot on. I always cut and run when I feel it. But what if my feelings are flawed?

I haven't kissed Tattoo Guy yet. Probably will. I have to know.

I foresee my gut leading me away from yet another great guy....but I can't help how I feel.

Conundrums.

My life is full of them. I got into CCM and UNCSA. UNCSA is one of the best art schools in the nation. And they want me. But I can't afford to go. That's my life. My biggest problem is that my future is filled with possibility, and I have to choose.

Too many choices....so little time.