The Dead Zone

I have a pseudo phone boyfriend.

Yes, it is as pathetic to me as it probably seems to you. A few years ago I would've looked at my present situation and been aghast. Now, I guess desperate times call for desperate measures.

Let me clarify by saying that Emporia, KS, where I attended undergrad is like that book "The Dead Zone" by Stephen King (movie starring Christopher Walken. Don't watch it, just FYI) except for guys. I also call it The Abyss, The Black Hole, The Dating Twighlight Zone....etc.

Here's what happened. Emporia is known for being a teacher's college. In fact, it is the number 2 ranked teaching university in the nation (also, the water is really highly ranked for cleanliness, which is nice for filling up your reusable water bottle). Most teachers are female. I didn't go to Emporia for teaching but for theater, which at the collegiate level (despite there being far more roles for men) is also dominated by women. There is something like a 4:1 ratio of girls to guys in Emporia. Take into account the number of international students (I don't know why this is but guys date the Asian girls, and I've never seen someone with an Asian boyfriend. Sad, but true) and gay students and I pump the number up to 6:1. That means in Emporia there are SIX girls for every ONE guy.

It's a guy's dream. I had a pointless gen-ed class where I sat next to this one guy. He had gross greasy hair, pimples, wore an old army jacket everywhere, was obsessed with anime or something nerdy like that. AND smelled a little. In my high school no girl would've even looked at this guy. Then one day we're in class and talking and all of a sudden he's showing me pictures of his girlfriend on his phone. They've been dating for a while, I'm 98% sure she's real, and she's CUTE! This happens all the time in Emporia.

I have a friend we'll call Jen who is tall, leggy, angelina jolie-lipped, smart, and just all-around gorgeous. The guys she dates? Not so much. Why? Emporia.

One time I was out with my wonderful, bitchy gay friend Al (who currently has a boyfriend, because even gay guys can hook up in Emporia) ahd we stopped at a gas station for something or other and spotted a couple guys.
"That one is cute" Al pointed out.
"I think they're both cute" me
"That other one is NOT cute" sassy Al
"What? He's not so bad..."
"No Tricia, he's 'Emporia' cute" Al pointed out to me.
That's when I realized Emporia was getting to me. I was already lowering my standards.
"Oh my god, he is!" and we both laughed, but in a dark comedy sort of way.

Anyway, so I'm talking to my pseudo phone boyfriend last night and he's all like "you're writing a blog? why?"

Why not?

He's in the military and stationed in Flordia by the ocean where it's 60 degrees everyday. I live in Dead Zone, KS. It's been a long winter, and I have nothing better to do.

What's more pressing: Why does a girl who hates the phone and has always touted her independence have a pseudo phone boyfriend who doesn't even seem that interested in her? I have seriously given real boyfriends less of my attention in the past. I am notorious for not returning calls and ignoring texts. My mom calls me "Two-Week-Trish." Now I'm a sap who keeps her crappy duct-taped phone with her almost always. What is happening to me?

I'm getting sucked into The Abyss.